


one song to redeem this empty life

by hyunghoney



Category: Dramarama - Monsta X (Music Video), Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Chae Hyungwon-centric, Heavy Angst, Time Travel, dramarama au, hyungwon is in love with everyone, occasionally graphic – kihyun and jooheon chapters, this was gonna be a oneshot but it got too long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-07-25
Packaged: 2019-03-07 04:37:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13426947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyunghoney/pseuds/hyunghoney
Summary: Hyungwon falls in love with six beautiful boys as forever reaches a close. (Dramarama AU)





	1. 1. glory (like a sunset)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry if the formatting for this is weird or doesn't make sense ;; I tried my best. I'm not a good writer but dramarama really inspired me. 
> 
> Each chapter will be focused on Hyungwon + one of the members, and there'll be seven chapters in total. (Wonho will have 2 chapters, because his chapters are less focused on him.)

**(2047. HOSEOK’S APARTMENT)**

 

_ “Time warp is not allowed. Do not take any watches from CHW.”  _

 

The hologram shining on Hoseok’s wall reads 4:30 PM. Hyungwon pays it no attention, but nuzzles Hoseok’s shoulder, lids droopy. Hoseok wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him closer until there is no space left between their bodies. Hyungwon smiles lazily, feeling soft and warm in Hoseok’s embrace. A peaceful feeling washes over him. He hasn’t felt it much since the whole time travel affair began, although he has to admit being around Hoseok brings it about more often. 

 

These late afternoon cuddles have become a sort of tradition for the pair, one that Hyungwon held close to his heart. Hoseok leaves early in the morning, his eyes bright and excited, and returns hours later drenched in sweat and exhausted by the day’s events, to where Hyungwon always awaits him. Hyungwon, of course, knows where he goes every day, having made the very watch that allows the journey to happen. The device in question is wrapped securely around Hoseok’s wrist even now, though it’s currently hidden by his long sleeve. Hoseok rests his hands on Hyungwon’s chest so Hyungwon can feel the watch ticking away, as sure as his own heartbeat. Or perhaps surer. 

 

Hyungwon doesn’t ask Hoseok about how his day went, he never does. The life Hoseok lives, 30 years in the past, is not one that Hyungwon ever wants to pry into. Not that he isn’t aware of most of the details already, of course. Still, it isn’t any of his business. His job here, he reminds himself constantly, is only to make sure that Hoseok uses the watch responsibly and doesn’t get caught. But Hoseok, more than anyone he’s ever gifted the watch to, understands the severe implications of using the watch. In Hoseok’s time, 2047, warnings against time warp blasted loudly and unendingly – it was a little hard to ignore. Hyungwon isn’t worried about Hoseok being careless, so why does he still visit? 

 

“You’re spacing out again,” Hoseok murmurs. 

 

His lips brush the top of Hyungwon’s head, kissing him gently. Hyungwon closes his eyes and loses himself in the moment, feeling nothing but Hoseok’s limbs entangled in his, Hoseok’s fingers running through his hair, Hoseok’s lips barely touching his head. 

 

“What’re you thinking about?” Hoseok asks sleepily. Hyungwon doesn’t reply.

 

He knows Hoseok’s future, he’s seen it 30 years ago. Hoseok doesn’t. Something aches dully in Hyungwon’s chest. He doesn’t know whether it’s emotion or illness. Possibly both. 

 

The problem is that Hyungwon has never been able to stop himself from falling in love with boys like Hoseok. He remembers them all and loves them still, those beautiful boys with their tragic endings. And he couldn’t save any of them. 

 

_ It isn’t my fault _ , he thinks (or hopes). 

 

Hyungwon is a time traveller, which is not as exciting as it would seem. He doesn’t travel to meet long-gone famous artists or world leaders or writers or anyone people would expect, none of the big names that left such a big impression that they’re commemorated centuries after their time. 

 

No one remembers the selfless, loving boy from 2017 who died in his lover’s stead. No one remembers the two friends separated by time and distance, who lost contact in 2015 and never met since. 

 

No one remembers the Kendo champion back in 2017 whose training partner disappeared one day, never to return. Well, no one except Hoseok, that is. (Hyungwon isn’t about to tell him about the last part yet, for obvious reasons.) He shakes himself out of his thoughts, focusing on the steady in-out sound of Hoseok’s breathing. His grip around Hyungwon’s waist is slack. He’s already half-asleep, Hyungwon realizes. 

 

“I should get going now,” Hyungwon whispers, face still buried in Hoseok’s shoulder. Hoseok only whines sleepily in response, cuddling even closer to him. If he stays in Hoseok’s arms for even a second longer he might just drift off too, and comfortable as that would be, he has to get back to his own time. With some reluctance he detangles his legs from Hoseok’s. Gently, so as not to wake his friend up, Hyungwon pulls away and sits up on the bed. 

 

Hoseok’s room is still exactly the same as it had been the first time Hyungwon had seen it. The same shelf, the same couch, the same table… And the very same bedside cabinet that Hyungwon had left the watch, that Hoseok now wore, hidden amongst the other things on the table. 

 

Hoseok was a 24-year-old existing in the year 2047. He lived alone and practiced Kendo, and was unrivaled by any other player. Like all his other ‘projects’ (for lack of a better term), Hyungwon was not planning to engage. 

 

The original plan was to simply leave the watch there and let Hoseok figure out the rest. Having already seen Hoseok 30 years prior, Hyungwon knew that Hoseok would somehow learn how to use the watch. The problems arose when Hoseok, upon discovering the watch, recognized it for what is was and instantly ran to turn it in to the authorities. 

 

\-- 

 

**(FLASHBACK – 2047. HYUNGWON’S MEMORIES)**

 

_ In his panic at the unexpected turn of events, Hyungwon threw all his plans out of the window and went after the older man. He grabbed Hoseok’s arm, stopping him in his tracks, and pulled him (struggling the whole way) to a deserted corridor of the apartment complex.   _

 

_ “Who the fuck are you?” Hoseok demanded, confused and disoriented, when Hyungwon let him go. Hyungwon took a moment to catch his breath before replying, stumbling over his words in his hurry to explain.  _

 

_ “My name is Chae Hyungwon, I’m a time traveller, that watch is mine, and you cannot turn that watch in to the authorities.”  _

 

_ “Chae Hyungwon… You’re  _ CHW _? You’re the one who’s wanted by the government for illegal time travel?”  _

 

_ Hyungwon nodded, sighing. Based on what he had seen of Hoseok in the past, Hyungwon hadn’t realised it would be such a big issue to get him to just  _ accept _ the watch.  _

 

_ “I need you to listen to me very carefully. You cannot turn that watch in to the authorities. There’s something you have to do.”  _

 

Hoseok had been deeply suspicious in the beginning, not to mention very confused. On Hyungwon’s part, it was kind of hard to explain to a stranger why they absolutely had to take your illegal time travelling watch and use it. Hyungwon hadn’t wanted to explain much more than that – if Hoseok met Shownu organically (or as organically as it could be based on the circumstances), it might be easier for them to fall in love. Thankfully, he’d decided to trust Hyungwon. He doesn’t want to think about what might have happened if Hoseok had turned the watch in. 

 

Hyungwon looks over to his friend now, peaceful in rest. Hoseok is simply beautiful, lying on his side atop the messy bed, hugging the blanket tightly as if he thought it was Hyungwon in his arms. It’s probably almost time to leave. Hyungwon looks at the wall to check the time. 

 

The hologram reads 5:14 PM. He leaves 2047 with a click of a button on his own watch. Hoseok is already fast asleep. 

 

\-- 

 

**(PRESENT DAY – 2048. HYUNGWON’S APARTMENT)**

 

Arriving at a different time and a different place no longer disorients him like it used to. Hyungwon pulls his sleeve down over the watch once he materialises in his apartment in 2048, though of course no one is around to catch him re-appear. 

 

The pain in his chest returns in full force, as if being in a different time (even if just one year before) had been dulling it somehow, drawing a sharp gasp from him. The unexpected sensation nearly makes him bend over with the intensity of it. Taking deep breaths and holding on to the wall for support, he forces himself to walk to his bed. He lets himself drop onto it. 

 

Lying on the unmade bed, he takes slow, shallow breaths and wills the pain to go away. After a few moments it dulls to the point that he could ignore it, and he allows his body to relax a little. His condition has only been getting worse over the years, and time travel, being the absolutely draining activity that it is, doesn’t help one bit. 

 

His small bedroom is covered in clocks, the models that were used before holograms, before even digital clocks were invented. Hyungwon has always had a fascination with clocks and with time – or more specifically, how to manipulate time. As a child he spent hours cooped up in his bedroom, studying these clocks and watches, spending more time alone with them than with his own family. He worked so hard to understand the workings of those clocks and of time itself, but it wasn’t till he was sixteen that he had a breakthrough. 

 

Not many people (read: no one) understand time like Hyungwon does. Time isn’t a straight line, but it also isn’t a cycle like some claim it to be. Time is isn’t one-dimensional, it coexists with space, spanning too far and wide for anyone to remember, but everyone has only ever learned to follow a straight path across it. Hyungwon steps out of path and goes where he chooses, though he learnt quickly that he could move any direction except forward, into the future. The watch may allow him to go wherever he wished to in the past, but it can’t bring him to a place and time that didn’t yet exist. 

 

It didn’t matter back then. Hyungwon had been happy to explore the past. He was far more interested in going back in time, watching history happen, witnessing people’s entire lives, decades and centuries before his time, than he was in seeing whatever the future had to offer. He could see the future without using time warp technology. Or so he thought, back then. 

 

\--

 

**(FLASHBACK – 2043. HYUNGWON’S MEMORIES)**

 

_ The day the doctors told Hyungwon he had only a few years left to live, his parents were not around. That wasn’t entirely true. The truth is his parents hadn’t been around for much longer than that, but it somehow seemed much more significant the day he discovered his time was running out. He was eighteen years old, scheduled to die, and he was all alone.  _

 

He was all alone. 

 

_ Hyungwon wanted to somehow make the doctors say they got it wrong, he wasn’t going to die after all, he’d have time to do something with his life, have someone give a shit about him. None of that happened. The nurse smiled kindly at him, pity in her eyes, and ushered him out the door, assuring him all the while that he’d be well taken care of, he could still have a normal life, and he didn’t have to tell his family if he didn’t want to.   _

 

_ Hyungwon locked himself in his room, his time travelling adventures forgotten. How could he care now what happened to those people he loved to watch, back in the past? It took him a month to bring himself to pick up the watch from where he had thrown it the day he heard the news, lying amongst the rubbish cluttered around his room after weeks of not cleaning.  _

 

_ Unlike before, Hyungwon decided not to travel back too far. Choosing at random, he brought himself back in time to 2017.  _

  
That was when he met Yoo Kihyun.


	2. 2. the one of us to survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hyungwon misses kihyun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i KNOW it's been six months. 
> 
> (warning for slightly graphic stuff! just the description of the accident)

**(PRESENT DAY – 2048. HYUNGWON’S APARTMENT)**

 

Hyungwon stares blankly at the peeling ceiling of his apartment back in the June of 2048. The pain in his chest is unbearable but he’s grown tired of groaning, whining, crying for the pain to go away when he knows it won’t. Not until he’s gone too.

 

He looks around his room that he’s confined to, this prison that he had used to love as a child, back when he’d spend hours locked away playing with his clocks and watches. His old trinkets and gadgets still litter the room, and he smiles at them them fondly. In the end, none of them will save him.

 

He forces himself to think of other things, less painful things. His mind disobeys, as every part of him always does, so he ends up remembering Kihyun instead.

 

Kihyun, beautiful Kihyun. Kihyun who’d loved him, who’d taken care of him. Kihyun, who’d died because of his stupid mistakes. Hyungwon’s nails dig bruisingly into his palms.

 

\--

 

**(FLASHBACKS – 2017 and 2015. HYUNGWON’S MEMORIES)**

 

It was January the 15th when he had arrived in 2017. His birthday.

 

His hasty time-warping resulted in him crash landing straight onto concrete, busting his lip as his face smashed into the pavement. He reached out to steady himself as he fell but only ended up bloodying up his hands, which really lined up perfectly with how the past few days had gone.

 

With a groan, he pushed himself up to a sitting position. Since he only had a few years left to live, it’d be wise to not die randomly in a car accident by being stretched out on the road for no reason.

 

After spiralling for the past few days all alone in his room, his stream of consciousness had gone from absolute terror and desperation to a steady chanting of “fuck, fuck, fuck”, which was not better but was definitely calmer than before. The pain in his chest was more pronounced now that he knew of the death sentence it was imposing on him.

 

He’d wondered if he was overreacting about this. Freaking out and having a prolonged anxiety attack over the span of five days seemed like a perfectly normal reaction to being told you only have a few years left to live at the age of eighteen.

 

Cars sped past on the road, threatening to blow him away with how fast they were going. The roaring sounds were overwhelmingly loud and he felt panic rising in his chest and his eyes started to water. His arms wrapped around himself, his body feeling hollow and fragile.

 

He didn’t want to fall apart but he did, sobbing into his hands, whiny and high-pitched. His head hurt, his chest hurt, and the cars continued to drive past, attention drifting right over the pathetic boy crying on the pavement.

 

In true dramatic fashion, the sky had darkened above him as if to match the mood. His choking sobs were drowned out by the grating, rumbling roar overhead.

 

His mother, a long time ago, would have told him to get out of the rain and be careful to not catch a cold. Still, he hardly doubted that it mattered anymore – what was a cold compared to a fatal illness?

 

He didn’t want to drown in self pity but it was so hard and he was so cold and he was all alone and he knew he was going to die and –

 

It had taken Hyungwon a while to realise that he was being tapped on the shoulder. In the falling rain, it felt like a particularly heavy raindrop hitting his already soaking form.

 

“Hey, hey.”

 

A quiet, gentle voice cut through the chaos and made Hyungwon jump. He whipped around to come face to face with a boy a little older than him, and he dabbed furiously at his eyes, hoping stupidly that the boy hadn’t seen him crying. The boy was relatively short, with messy brown hair falling into his eyes that were wide with concern. The rain came down hard on the both of them, but he didn’t seem to notice or care, still fixing him with that kind, focused gaze.

 

“Are you gonna be okay?”

 

Hyungwon blinked, uncomprehending. The boy, still standing over Hyungwon, just gave him an gentle, encouraging smile. Hyungwon wasn’t sure how he should answer, so he just shrugged. The boy reached out to him with one hand.

 

“Here, let me help you up. Can I help you with anything? I can bring you home, at least?”

 

Hyungwon hesitated, but the boy didn’t pull his hand away, just watching Hyungwon with patient eyes until he took it, pulling Hyungwon to his feet once he did. His hand was so small, so warm in Hyungwon’s, offering a physical comfort Hyungwon hadn’t felt in forever, and he almost didn’t want to let go of it.

 

But the boy didn’t make a move to release him either, pulling him closer with a tug of the hand. He shot Hyungwon a concerned glance.

 

“Let’s just get you out of the rain first, okay? You’re gonna get sick if you stay out here.”

 

Finally, the boy had let go of his hand, only to throw an arm around his shivering form. The boy was a complete stranger, and he was a bit shorter than Hyungwon, but he still managed to make him feel small as he held him tight against his side. Pathetically, Hyungwon held back a sob at the first human contact he had had for a long time, taking in this stranger who was showing him more concern than he’d ever experienced.

 

He didn’t realise how weary he’s been until he rested almost his whole weight on the other boy, letting himself be dragged through the rain as they hurried towards shelter.

 

They finally found respite from the storm at a nearby bus stop. Hyungwon didn’t look at the other boy, just staring resolutely down at his own soaked shoes.

 

“My name is Kihyun.” The boy, or Kihyun as he stated then, gave Hyungwon a small smile. Hyungwon nodded, but his lips had refused to part to give his own name in return. Kihyun didn’t ask, but put his arm around Hyungwon again, attempting to warm him up.

 

“You can take the bus home, if you want. Or we can take the bus to my place, if you’re okay with that?” Kihyun’s concern once again had caused a lump in Hyungwon’s throat, tears threatening to spill over again. Who was Kihyun to be so caring towards a complete stranger?

 

Kihyun didn’t push for a response, just let Hyungwon lean heavily against him on the cold metal seat of the bus stop, both drenched and shaking from the wind. Hyungwon hadn’t realised he’s gotten comfortable, somehow, until he caught himself drooping into Kihyun’s shoulder as he drifted off in his exhaustion.

 

“Sleep if you need to.” Kihyun just adjusted his position to make it easier for Hyungwon to lean on him. Something tugged at his heart that had nothing to do with the cold or his exhaustion, but he was too tired to give it any notice.

 

He woke up more than an hour later, dry and safe, wrapped up in the blanket atop Kihyun’s bed that seemed too big for one. He had a brief moment of panic when he realised his watch was not on his wrist, but found it on the drawer next to the bed and relaxed. Kihyun quietly entered, bringing in a mug of some warm drink and offering it to him. Hyungwon took it with both hands, sipping it gratefully and feeling the heat spreading into his bones.

 

“Thanks,” he mumbled. Kihyun’s eyes had widened a little, and Hyungwon realised he hadn’t spoken to Kihyun at all the whole time. Kihyun just smiled, a radiant smile that lit up the area around him, and nodded, sitting gingerly on the edge of the bed.

 

Hyungwon could barely look at him, hold his kind, scrutinizing gaze. There was something so intense about Kihyun’s eyes that made him feel like he was being scanned. Kihyun just waited for him to finish his drink before lifting it out of his hands and turning to leave the room.

 

Hyungwon had spoken up again before Kihyun was out of the door.

 

“I’m Hyungwon.”

 

“It’s nice to meet you. There are warm clothes in the closet if you want to change. Sleep now, Hyungwon. I’ll be in the living room if you need, okay?”

 

Hyungwon nodded and sank deeper into the blanket, watching Kihyun leave with quiet footsteps and closing the door with a low ‘click’.

 

He felt a warmth like he hadn’t felt in months – it had been endless days of literal heartache and painfully imminent death, and not a single person that he could think of that would’ve cared even if he had anyone to tell. But Kihyun had found him and brought him home and taken care of him, and they didn’t know shit about each other but Hyungwon didn’t want to leave.

 

He fell asleep again, easily, that night.

 

He left early the next day, after making the bed and leaving a note that just said ‘Thank you, Kihyun’. He returned to his lonely apartment in 2043 and he didn’t plan to come back.

 

\--

 

He came back a month later, on the February of 2043, when the days had gotten too dreary and the apartment too desolate, and the hospital had started pushing too hard for him to move himself into a ward (who would miss him here anyway, right?) – he arrived in February of 2017, landing gracefully outside a random grocery store.

 

Normally, he got to choose where he arrived in each time. Those days though, he had been happy to let his watch send him wherever it deemed fit, though he didn’t really understand why his time-machine watch thought he’d need groceries.

 

It was only when he sighted Kihyun that he had realised that wasn’t what the watch had thought he’d needed. Kihyun was dressed casually in a plain shirt and jeans, a shopping basket slung over his hand as he looked at the fruits. Hyungwon’s breath caught in his throat as he watched him, and he debated whether to greet him.

 

“Hey! Hyungwon, right?” Kihyun had called, jogging over to him. He threw an arm around Hyungwon’s narrow shoulders, greeting him and chatting away as if they were old friends and not just two strangers who’d met once on a rainy day.

 

Hyungwon had ended up following him around the store until his shopping was done, and then Kihyun had taken him to a coffee shop, saying “Why don’t we just hang out, you’re free right, Hyungwon?”. Hyungwon had been strangely unable to say no, not when Kihyun gave him that blinding smile and dragged him along the whole way.

 

Kihyun was mesmerizing unlike anyone Hyungwon had ever met before. He was bright, he was loud, he was overwhelming in his presence – chattering away at bullet-train speed so Hyungwon stumbled to catch up. Yet even as he ran full speed ahead he looked back the whole time, just shouting for Hyungwon to follow at his heels, a hand outstretched, waiting the entire while for Hyungwon to reach him.

 

It wasn’t hard to fall in love with Kihyun.

 

It was too easy – he discovered himself returning to 2017 every day as the pain in his own time doubled and tripled, finding his home where Kihyun was, always and unquestioningly ready to welcome him. He had found more warmth in Kihyun’s bed than he’d ever felt before.

 

And Kihyun welcomed him unquestionably, taking care of him without ever pushing or demanding anything from him in return. Kihyun let him sleep in his bed without complaints, let him raid his kitchen whenever he slept over, let him do whatever he wanted in Hyungwon’s house when he left for a shift at the pawn shop. Maybe Kihyun would’ve never feel towards Hyungwon the way he did Kihyun, but Hyungwon knew without a doubt that he was loved.

 

It had taken him months of loving Kihyun to realise how cold it actually was in Kihyun’s house, months to notice the constant loneliness, the house that looked only half lived-in, the hint at a second presence hanging over the house.

 

It all culminated in him wandering into Kihyun’s apartment one night and smelling the unmistakable stench of alcohol, eyes widening as he found Kihyun almost passed out on the couch, empty bottle in hand. When Hyungwon had put a hand lightly on his shoulder, he fell apart, choking on his sobs as Hyungwon watched helplessly. Hyungwon could do nothing but hold Kihyun in his arms, swaying just a little and cradling him until his sobs died down, replaced by ragged breathing as he drifted into uneasy sleep.

 

The sorrow had only continued once he’d witnessed it once, like he’d broken a wall that Kihyun had built to repress the memories. Or maybe Kihyun had been grieving every day and Hyungwon had been blind to it.

 

Hyungwon started to lose count of the number of times Kihyun would lock himself away now, refusing to shower or talk or eat. And no matter how much he knocked and called and begged, Kihyun was unreachable.

 

Hyungwon didn’t know what to do but watch him spiral, watch him get worse and worse till he was nothing like the man Hyungwon had fallen in love with. But Hyungwon refused to leave, no matter how difficult Kihyun got.

 

He’d witnessed Kihyun's anger for the first time the same day he’d first heard him shout – the day he’d been exploring the house in a sleepy state and come across a framed photograph. In it, Kihyun smiled up at him with a smile brighter than any he’d seen in the months they’d known each other, arms wrapped around the neck of another smiling boy. Hyungwon had stared at that photograph until it was snatched from his grasp.

 

 _“Who the fuck do you think you are? Who gave you permission to snoop around our house?”_ Kihyun had spat. Hyungwon couldn’t say a word, only staring at him with wide eyes as Kihyun’s knuckles went white from how hard he grasped the photograph as he shot Hyungwon a glare that made him feel so hollow.

 

_“Just leave me alone, Won.”_

 

Kihyun turned on his heels, leaving the living room in a huff. The door to the bedroom slammed shut.

 

Hyungwon’s thoughts had kept returning to that photograph, to the sight of Kihyun’s absolute happiness. He’d seen Kihyun’s grief, seen the extent of him spiralling. But (perhaps selfishly) it wasn’t until he had seen that photograph that he realised how desolate Kihyun had been the entire time that he’d known him… the entire time that he’d _loved_ him.

 

\--

 

The next time Hyungwon met Kihyun again, it was in 2015, two years before they’d first met, and Kihyun was dying.

 

That’s not entirely true. When Hyungwon saw Kihyun he was standing steps away from an explosion of fire and debris, as the car carrying Kihyun’s lover burst into flames and crashed onto the road a short distance away. Kihyun could do nothing but let out a scream which went unheard, drowned out by the deafening crash close by. Hyungwon looked on in alarm, frozen in place, in shock at the tragedy he had warped right into.

 

Gathering his wits quickly, Hyungwon hid himself behind a tree a few paces away and waited for Kihyun to do something. He watched for a few minutes, trying to tear his eyes away from the flaming wreckage, but Kihyun remained rooted to the spot, eyes wide with horror, shaking uncontrollably.

 

An eternity later, finally, someone else came to the scene. And then, it seemed the whole world had rushed in.

 

The minutes that followed were filled with blaring sirens and the clicks of cameras, paramedics and policemen and reporters running all over the crash site. Kihyun had fallen to his knees while Hyungwon had been looking away, and continued to kneel there as a crowd began to form.

 

Someone stood over Kihyun, asking him questions, wrapping a shock blanket around his trembling form. A short distance away, a child in the crowd began to wail, blubbering and falling into his mother’s arms. Kihyun’s head turned slightly in the direction of the crying, but he did nothing else to indicate he was aware of the world around him, eyes still fixed on the wreckage in which his boyfriend lay.

 

Kihyun hadn’t made a single sound since his scream, but knelt there quietly, silent sobs wracking his body. He let himself be carried up gently by the arm and brought into the ambulance without protest, but his eyes didn’t tear away from the car for a second.

 

The crowd cleared away slowly, rushing back to their own lives, filing the tragedy away to gossip about over lunch. The reporters packed up their equipment and left, quickly figuring out that they couldn’t get a statement out of the shell-shocked survivor. It became all too quiet, and Hyungwon watched on still, hidden.

 

The paramedics that had been standing around the wreckage returned to the ambulance and whispered to each other.

 

In the next moment, Hyungwon almost selfishly wished that the noise hadn’t left with the crowd. At least then he wouldn’t have had to hear Kihyun’s second scream, piercing through the silence. He had clearly heard what the paramedics were saying.

 

“No, no, no please.. Please you have to save him.. Please tell me you can save him..” Kihyun begged them, nearly incoherent through his sobs. The paramedics only gave him a sympathetic look, shook their heads gently as his begging grew more hysterical.

 

There was an ache in Hyungwon’s heart that didn’t have anything to do with illness. His legs had gone numb from being sat on too long, behind the tree. He let his head fall none-too-gently against the tree and didn’t hiss at the pain.

 

He wanted to go to Kihyun, who still screamed just a few ways away, begging on his knees for them to save his boyfriend. He wanted to do something ( _anything_ ) to ease Kihyun’s pain. But even Hyungwon could not bring back the dead. His hands went against his will to cover his ears, as if muffling the sounds could make Kihyun’s agony go away.

 

Tears spilled over wide eyes even though he knew he didn’t have a right to cry, and he joined Kihyun in his mourning – but he mourned for Kihyun.

 

Hyungwon didn’t travel back to 2017 for three months after having witnessed that.

 

But he had never stopped thinking of Kihyun.

 

\--

 

**(PRESENT DAY – 2048. HYUNGWON’S APARTMENT)**

 

Even now, he can’t stop thinking of Kihyun, even as his eyes drift over the many clocks that tick away his remaining time, even as his hologram lights up, reminding him it’s almost time to take his medicine. He closes his eyes, forgetting his pain, but remembers Kihyun still and his everything is on fire, Kihyun’s long-ago warmth exploding into flames due to Hyungwon’s stupid actions, all those years ago.

 

He can feel Kihyun if he squeezes his eyes shut and reaches out, can almost imagine the small hand fitting perfectly into his own, Kihyun’s other hand smoothing the blanket he lay in. His chest hurts so badly, but his hands are squeezed affectionately and the pain doesn’t matter because he can pretend Kihyun is here.

 

Hyungwon nearly chokes on his guilt, but Kihyun plants a phantom kiss to his forehead and envelopes him in his warmth.

 

_“Go to sleep now, Won.”_

 

He obeys the half-remembered sound of Kihyun’s voice, and dreams of fire and debris.

 

\--

 

**(FLASHBACKS – 2017 and 2015. HYUNGWON’S MEMORIES)**

 

Kihyun barely saw him the next time they met, through the almost opaque partition at the pawn shop. He came in quietly and knocked twice, walking out with hurried steps once he’d slid the watch through the hole. He’d made sure Kihyun had only seen his quickly retreating back, no matter how every part of him screamed at him to turn, to talk to Kihyun, to even just see him one more time. But he didn’t listen.

 

_“Say goodbye. Let go.”_

 

He’d hoped beyond hope that Kihyun would read the note he’d left under the watch, that he would be healed enough to move on. He’d gone months debating internally, but had decided in the end that if he could do nothing else, he could at least offer Kihyun a chance to say goodbye. But Kihyun didn’t listen. 

 

Kihyun only took a few moments to figure out the watch before immediately going where Hyungwon knew he would. Hyungwon watched, powerless to do anything, as Kihyun went back to the car crash again and again. His ears started to hurt from the deafening crash that repeated itself a million times over, his previously aching heart numb to the fire and the blood and Kihyun failing over and over again to save his lover.

 

He watched from a short distance as Kihyun ran, once again, trying to chase the car that would inevitably crash like it had too many times already. Kihyun’s eyes were bloodshot, his knees scraped from falling, his legs shaking, absolutely drained, but he didn’t look like he had any intention of giving up.

Hyungwon made his presence known when Kihyun’s hands started clasping so tight around the watch they were close to bleeding. Kihyun gasped when he passed Hyungwon as he ran desperately for the billionth time, trying to chase the car that was bound to crash.

 

Kihyun yelled his name as he they passed each other, and Hyungwon looked at him – he didn’t even know what to say, he was just a kid, how was he supposed to know how to deal with things like this? Hyungwon walked to the edge of the road and Kihyun, thankfully, forgoed chasing the car one more time in order to follow him.

 

“W-won?” Hyungwon fought back the shiver that had run down his spine at the sound of Kihyun’s voice saying his name, after all these months. He just nodded.

 

“It was you… you gave me the watch.”

 

“You really should let go, Kihyun.” Hyungwon tried to keep his voice level, but couldn’t help the edge of hysteria at the edge of his sentences. “You deserve to move on. You deserve to be happy!”

 

Kihyun stepped closer, taking Hyungwon’s hands into his.

 

“Won, you’ve got to help me. Jooheon… I… I can’t watch him die again. Please, Won, I know you can help me– you’ve got to!”

 

Hyungwon knew he couldn’t bring back the dead. Time moves in all directions, but fate takes what it will – a life gone cannot be brought back. But how would he tell Kihyun that?

 

“I can’t bring back the dead. I can’t… I’m sorry, Kihyun. I wish I could.” Kihyun’s eyes were shining with desperate tears, and Hyungwon felt himself hopelessly adrift in the seas of Kihyun’s pain.

 

Kihyun fell to his knees, still gripping Hyungwon’s hands. Hyungwon’s heart ached at the sight of his beautiful, bright Kihyun, begging for help at his feet.

 

“There’s something I can try. But…”

 

“But what?”

 

Kihyun’s head snapped up, eyes wide and fixed on Hyungwon. His grip on Hyungwon’s hands was painfully tight in his sudden excitement.

 

“But you’d die instead.”

 

Hyungwon’s heart broke when Kihyun replied within a heartbeat of his ultimatum.

 

“So?” He’d asked. It was the last thing Hyungwon ever heard him say.

 

\--

 

**(PRESENT DAY – 2048. HYUNGWON’S APARTMENT)**

 

Hyungwon wakes up and Kihyun is not there, no one never will be. Because the boys that he loved, he’d left them all in the past. The winter air is so cold, the gusts coming in through the slightly open window making him shiver. He pulls the blanket tighter around himself.

 

He wants Hoseok.

 

He downs his bitter pills with a gulp of water. He doesn’t really care for them now – all they do is add a few more moments to a life that he’s done living. He takes them anyway because it’s part of his routine, his only obligation in the short few hours he spends in his own time before he returns to Hoseok’s bed a year ago.

 

He wants Hoseok. He doesn’t want to think of Kihyun anymore, even though the freezing air reminds him of the winter spent cuddled in front of Kihyun’s heater, letting Kihyun chatter on as he played with his fingers and tried with little effort to stay awake.

 

Hyungwon keeps thinking of Kihyun. Kihyun, who had been selfless and noble and good. Kihyun, who’d loved him without condition, without question. Kihyun, whose arms he wants to run into eve now. Kihyun, who’d died because of his stupidity.

 

\--  

 

**(FLASHBACKS – 2015. HYUNGWON’S MEMORIES)**

 

For the last time, Hyungwon’s watch brought him to that place and day in 2015.

 

He had wanted to close his eyes as the car pulled into the road. His eyes remained stubbornly open as he watched the door open, and the boy that he had only seen in one single damned photograph exit.

 

“I’ll see you, then!” Jooheon shouted. Hyungwon heard a reply that is indiscernible but he knew his Kihyun was in there, buckled in and ready to drive away.

 

Hyungwon only fully realised the extent of his actions when his eyes landed on Kihyun, whose knuckles were white around the steering wheel, his eyes wide with fear and his teeth gritted tight as he inevitably begun to lose control of the car.

 

Jooheon stood there, waving cheerfully the whole way, as the car sped away, increasing in speed as it went. Hyungwon hid behind the same tree as the first time, as helpless as before, biting back a scream till he drew blood from his tongue.

 

Jooheon did not wail or cry when he witnessed his boyfriend crash and die before his eyes. (Then again, Hyungwon thought, maybe the lonely road had no room for more than one person’s  shrieking, unstoppable grief.) Jooheon sank slowly to his knees in a terrible mimicry of Kihyun’s pleading just moments before, and sat there as the world became a blur before both of their eyes.

 

The paramedics came, the reporters came, and the road cleared out finally when the ambulance leaves with Jooheon.

 

Hyungwon stared at the part of the road where Kihyun had been kneeling, a million years ago, begging for him to take his life. He swallowed the blood pooling in his mouth from his never-heard screams. He did not let himself grieve, then.

 

Hyungwon gave himself just a second to process the death of the only love of his life, then left to get a drink in a cafe in the heart of Seoul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the extremely long wait, i kind of lost inspiration but i really want to finish this story so... i hope it was worth the wait hehe
> 
> also i tried to format it so that it's clearer, and i also edited the first chapter to make it clearer!

**Author's Note:**

> I imagine this to be a very angsty, poignant piece about Hyungwon falling in love with each of the other six in turn, but I'm not very good at writing so it might be very badly written. Hope you appreciate it anyway. Please comment and give kudos!! <3


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